I love Barack Obama. For his cool, for his calm, for the fact that he's picked a bad ass insane beautiful man
for his Chief of Staff.
I'm going to introduce you to Rahmn Emanuel, even though I should be studying economics. It's okay. Once I introduce you to Rahm Emanuel, no human being is ever going to look the same again. This guy is insane
. And this is the man who won the Democrats their majority.
1. He will beat you. He will beat you hard
. Until you bleed
. Preferably money.
When raising funds for a Democractic campaign? Rahm sent back checks to people, insulted them, and embarrassed them into sending more money because the checks? Too small.
2. Then he will beat you again.
To a pollster he didn't like? Rahm sent a 2.5 foot long dead fish.
3. Unless he loves you.
To the candidates he's taken care of in his position as DCCC chairman? He sends cheesecakes. From Chicago. To places like Nevada.
4. He will not take your shit.
Upon winning the Democractic majority:
"I'll tell you this," Emanuel shouted out to his staff. "The Republicans may have the 72-hour program. But they have not seen the 22-month program!
"Since my kids are gone, I can say it: They can go ---- themselves!"
5. He will kill you. Kill you dead.
When working for the Clinton campaign, he was bitching with his homies at dinner about the people who were working against them. As he spoke? He stabbed the table. With his steakknife. While saying, "DEAD. DEAD."
In a fairly typical sign-off, he concluded another call to Sestak: "Don't [mess] it up or ... I'll kill you. All right, I love you. Bye."
Oh, yeah, and he told Tony Blair "not to fuck up".
6. He likes people who might kill you, too.
Emanuel believed in being tough. In September 2005, he described a Vietnam veteran he was trying to recruit this way: "I don't know if he's going to win, but I'll tell you this: I don't want to cross [him]. I think he would take out a knife and kill you. I think he would kill you." Emanuel viewed this as an asset.
7. His brother, Ari? Inspiration for Ari Gold in Entourage
Can you say, enough said?
Now, I advise you to pursue how he beats the shit out of the Republican policy by reading a LOVE LETTER to OIL LOBBYISTS.
I direct you also to a news post
, and also to this post with many more links.
Have I mentioned, he's a ballet dancer?
Oh yeah. He is.
Obama and Rahm.
It's going to be a beautiful, interesting four years.
 You know what, I'm going to let BARACK OBAMA do this for me.
Obama: (to someone who writes for the NYTimes) "You are such a literate, erudite guy, it makes me wonder, why are you hanging around with Rahm Emanuel. There are only so many ways to say, "I want to rip your head off." Most of Rahm's vocabulary cannot appear in the Sunday section [of the NYTimes]."
He calls it a "roast" of Rahm Emanuel; Republicans were invited, but some would only "come if there was a real fire".
I AM. IN. FUCKING. LOVE.
 OH GOD I AM SORRY BUT BARACK OBAMA IS SAYING THIS. AND. JUST. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
Obama: "It's fashionable in politics these days to profess your faith ... Rahm lives by this ... he keeps the Sabbath ... he doesn't just talk about the 10 Commandments, he lives them. With some modifications. Uh. The one - "thou shalt not kill ... unless he is a target."
Obama: "In fact, he was the first to adapt Machiavelli's The Prince for dance."
THIS MAN IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.