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Alexander
Been catching up with a lot of movies that I missed out on during their intial releases, mostly to cover time in between studying and frantically filling out ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
livelongnmarry notebooks. Watched Alexander yesterday, the final cut version - and god. Oliver Stone, you took on an epic project, and while you could have made it brilliant - and you did try - you mostly made it slightly convoluted and very --
Yes, Alexander failed. If his aim had ever been to unite the worlds in a greater harmony, as opposed to a more base instinct to expand - Alexander failed, and his failure towers over the successes of many men. Mostly Oliver Stone's failure just makes me wish someone could have been there, a step back from the entire production, equipped with a giant-ass pair of scissors and a sense for continuity correction. I liked many parts of it, and he had so many talented actors under his call, but:
1) Colin Farrell. Just - no. No. No.
2) Anthony Hopkins - wasted, so wasted.
3) Linearity Isn't Always A Bad Thing
4) Condensation Almost Always Is
Though, to be fair, as ambiguous and odd as the Haphaestion/Alexander relationship was, I think it was interesting of Stone to play it as hinted-at-sexual-but-never-done, even if Bagoastotally slutted himself out got the happy Manhandling (TM). And Leto's Haphaestion, SO GOOD. Yes, you are not just a puppydog to the King! \o\ \o\
I am kind of disturbed as to how much I liked Val Kilmer as Philip. Okay, scratch that, really kind of disturbed.
And poor Jonathan Rhys Meyers. 20 seconds of time as Cassander, and like so many of the Companions/impressive-Greek-word-for-bodyguard-contingent, he never got fleshed out as much as he should've.
fjlkasjfkaj so many focal points, SO LITTLE TIME. I don't even want to be this critical, but so many stickling points just stab at me:
1) Your foley artists need to tone it way, way done.
2) Please Hire Some Voice Coaches. I don't understand why Alexander sounds Irish while Hephaestion can't make up his mind between American and/or faux-Irish-ness while Olympias sounds just totally Made Up.
livelongnmarry notebooks. Watched Alexander yesterday, the final cut version - and god. Oliver Stone, you took on an epic project, and while you could have made it brilliant - and you did try - you mostly made it slightly convoluted and very --Yes, Alexander failed. If his aim had ever been to unite the worlds in a greater harmony, as opposed to a more base instinct to expand - Alexander failed, and his failure towers over the successes of many men. Mostly Oliver Stone's failure just makes me wish someone could have been there, a step back from the entire production, equipped with a giant-ass pair of scissors and a sense for continuity correction. I liked many parts of it, and he had so many talented actors under his call, but:
1) Colin Farrell. Just - no. No. No.
2) Anthony Hopkins - wasted, so wasted.
3) Linearity Isn't Always A Bad Thing
4) Condensation Almost Always Is
Though, to be fair, as ambiguous and odd as the Haphaestion/Alexander relationship was, I think it was interesting of Stone to play it as hinted-at-sexual-but-never-done, even if Bagoas
I am kind of disturbed as to how much I liked Val Kilmer as Philip. Okay, scratch that, really kind of disturbed.
And poor Jonathan Rhys Meyers. 20 seconds of time as Cassander, and like so many of the Companions/impressive-Greek-word-for-bodyguard-contingent, he never got fleshed out as much as he should've.
fjlkasjfkaj so many focal points, SO LITTLE TIME. I don't even want to be this critical, but so many stickling points just stab at me:
1) Your foley artists need to tone it way, way done.
2) Please Hire Some Voice Coaches. I don't understand why Alexander sounds Irish while Hephaestion can't make up his mind between American and/or faux-Irish-ness while Olympias sounds just totally Made Up.
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I fell asleep during this movie, thus I missed any and all Haphaestioning, and JRM and Val. That's how asleep I was. Oh well. I'm old. I cradle my mythology books close.
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Colin Farrell = pain. And suffering. I keep seeing him in phonebooths, even while only dressed in a
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Colin Farrell - Alexander? Where they on crack (of the unsavoury type) when the decided this?
I projectile spit. Sorry. That was a bit extreme, but definitely instinctive.
I went to see Troy, however, because I wanted to laugh and mock. And ended up finding myself incredibly endeared to Eric Bana's Hector - who is possibly my most favourite character in the Illiad. I still hiss at the movie, but am surprisingly soothed when Hector appears :D
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Alexander, on the other hand - Oliver Stone recut it. Twice. How many times do you need to recut your film? And while I can see - oh man, can I see - an attempt at homage, an attempt at a message: there are just too many messages, flying here and there all at once. Is it his bisexuality? Is it the nature of his empire? Is it the profound thought that the world opened only when Alexander stepped through its doors? Is it the fact that he is the dreamer while his generals are merely mortal? Is it his parents and the complexes they gave him? You could write sixteen movies about Alexander, but if any of them are going to be strong, I think you have to either composite his issues and experiences well, or otherwise focus on one, at most two or three, of the above. Oliver Stone tried so hard to stay true that it's like watching the veins of a leaf, and never quite seeing the whole oak tree.
And, yeaaaaah, Colin Farrell = why? They wanted to cast Heath Ledger, who I still think would've done a better job. Not to say that he didn't try - but this whole movie feels like a failure of a lot of trying. I kind of feel bad for not liking large portions of it. But I do love me my Alexander, and this was like... not Alexander.
AJkslafjlkasfjl Jared Leto's Hephaestion, though, I will still say, is an amazingly good portrayal of the personal side of him. It's kind of sad that they have all these EPIC FIGHT SCENES, but absolutely zero of Alexander being a good tactician, and negative-one of any of his generals being anything other than whiny bastards. In the attempt to make Hephaestion the good, unassuming, never-asks-for-anything-kind-of-BFF, they neglect the fact that, um, at some point in time this guy RULED HALF AN EMPIRE. He's not -- exactly emasculated, but they only had time (in a 3! and a half! hour! movie!) to portray one side of him only. Until he came and kicked Alexander's butt. But then Colin Farrell was acting like a wet baby, so...
I hope someone comes in one day and does a totally controversial, non-epic remake of Alexander, focusing on - hell, there are so many options. If they're going to make it hilariously new, make it 300. ;_____; The trying/failing dichotomy just breaks my heart.
OH TROY. I am glad I never really like you all that much. I remember liking Hector insanely much! I can't remember what they did with the rest of the characters, though, which must be telling...
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This is why I ignored it. Wargh, wargh. Just thinking of it does make me wibble. I too long for the day that someone can come along and make any classical epic good to watch as well as faithfull to the history in this modern film world.
Alas. I don't think that day will arrive too soon. *is bitter* Although, I can appreciate the heartbreak of the try/fail dichotomy indeed.
I cackled within the first 5 seconds of Troy when they deigned to sprawl the screen with a date for Homer. How can you put a definitive date on Homer, you assholes?
But Bana did steal me away, just for a fragment of time.
And OMG, yes to LOTRs. The Gods know how many times I have sat through the entire extended extras etc. I can pretty much quote it off by heart. But yes, you can forgive it because there was the genuine passion to bring across the world of Tolkein to the screens and to do it well and I utterly respect that. It's not an easy task and I think Jackson did it well. And how much do you want Viggo/Aragorn in his crazy, crazy Aragorn headspace?
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*pets the Knight* There, there. One day we'll wake up and realise that history's never definitive. You must forgive the mortals in their period of doubt and insolence. We're all biased. 8D I'm definitely biased towards Hephaestion. 8D
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I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING. Every. Single. Thing.
Also, pretending to be a lion in bed does NOT equal sexy. That was the stupidest love scene I've ever seen, and I've seen Ghost and a LOT of porn.
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*snuggles Hephaestion and has done with it*
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Aside to Lotrips love: the smooching Theoden, and the ELF-BAITING. HOW GOOD WAS THAT.
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HEHEHEH I LOVE BERNARD HILL. I think he should be given an award for amazing humour.
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You do know I've done a bit of a comic starring young!Hephaistion and Ganymede from Greek myth (http://www.perevision.com/league), yes? Blame these books.
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-historical period piece
-Jonathan Rhys Meyers
-Colin Farrell
-Jordan Cata...er, Jared Leto
-pretty boys
-pretty boys in eyeliner
-pretty boys in eyeliner making eyes at other pretty boys in eyeliner
-OMG Friesian horse!(historical inaccuracies aside)
-epic scenes like the horse/elephant rear up thing
In short, I should have loved this movie. Worshiped it. Already felt bad that I was a horrible Johnny fangirl and didn't see it in the theaters. Saw it at home, and really could have turned it off at any point. :P
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