JESUS CHRIST PAUL BETTANY

[karanguni]

During A Knight's Tale DVD commentary:

Brian (Director): [commenting on Heath Ledger's character getting his arm relocated and a rub-down by Paul Bettany at the same time] Again, you're giving him kind of a rubdown while his shoulder's dislocated - I'm not sure that's, uh, medically correct.

Paul: Ah, uh, no. I just like to give men rubdowns when they dislocate any... any bit of them, really.



On Rufus Sewell's "live sex" parties:

Brian: ... troubadours.

Paul: Troubadours used to sing songs about... sex, actually.

Brian: In fact, at the bottom of Rufus' flat, there'd be troubadours to welcome you and sing songs about past visitors.



Before a potential sex scene:

Paul: I think now it's evident that they're about to f-- play chess, or dominoes.



Regarding a line:

Brian: "Revelling the night"; that doesn't happen very much any more, does it? No, unless it's in Rufus' apartment in Prague.

Paul: There was a lot of revelling.

Brian: And I think when Rufus rides up and says "committing the oldest sins in the newest ways", he knows what he's talking about.

Heath's character: As promised you before, you will look up at it from the flat of your back.

Paul: See, another tempting opportunity for a double entendre, and not taken - Brian, I'm ashamed of you.



Regarding Rufus' character getting to Heath's:

Paul: Yes, he's getting under Heath's skin just like herpes might.


I WANT TO WRITE PAUL BETTANY/RUFUS SEWEL FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON NOW.

Comments

[mjules.livejournal.com]

Well, I wouldn't call that "no" reason. Isn't Paul Bettany married to Jennifer Connelly? He's awful gay to have one of my crushes for a wife! Maybe he's bi.

Ooo, maybe they're both bi.

That'd be a hot half of a foursome.

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

asfaslkfjalksfj alksjflkasjfklasjl I'm not so on on Connelly, but dear lord, Paul Bettany/anyone = MY BUTTONS PRESSED ajlsfjaklsfjalf alkjsfj laksjf alkjf alsjfkaljf lasjf laksjf lasjflkasjf klajf lajfklajslkf alskfj salkj

[dnatio-memoriae.livejournal.com]

Oh god. Am so, absolutely, buggered right now. I realise now that you've double-posted this entry, but when I first saw my f-page I thought I'd started hallucinating into the bargain. *dies*

Paul Bettany. Have not seen very many films in which he stars. I do not recall his voice/acting. I do remember how he looks. I am now curious: HOW HAS IT COME TO BE THAT THIS MAN HAS EATEN YOUR BRAIN? (Aside from those quotable gems he offers in the director's commentary)

[dnatio-memoriae.livejournal.com]

Eh, other post is no longer there. Maybe my mind /is/ playing tricks on me. Haha, this is not so good for my brain.

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

I posted it five times, because I was a genius.

[dnatio-memoriae.livejournal.com]

Your acts of ingenuity leave me in a state of delirious confusion <3

hehe, I almost wrote "delicious"

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

Oh my god he just imitated Scooby doo and called ALAN TUDYK SHAGGY jesus christ I want Paul Bettany/the UNIVERSE now.

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

Oh god, Paul Bettany ate my brain years ago, long with most of my heart and my vocal chords. I'm just marathoning, now that I'm slightly more free and due for some sanity, any/all of the films he stars in.

Jesus, you have.

Please. Just go listen to his voice. If Tseng were a Brit, he'd have Paul Bettany's voice. If God had a voice, it'd be Paul Bettany's voice. No man ought to sound that intelligent.

Or that much like verbal sex even when talking about camera angles.

[dnatio-memoriae.livejournal.com]

Sanity is an alien concept. I may regain some of it by the end of tomorrow, if I survive. Thought of Tseng as a Brit does not help. At all. mmm. I will search youtube for a clip of him speaking when my eyelids are not pasting themselves together.

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

GO SLEEP. DREAM OF PAUL BETTANY.

[vvvaudevillian.livejournal.com]

Did you did you know he voiced Jarvis in Iron Man :DDD Bettany/RDJ ftw

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

Yes I did, oh yes I did.

[guingel.livejournal.com]

Off-topic, but is Laura Fraser at all present on that commentary? ::drools::

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid not, but Paul Bettany does applaud her Lance Catching Skills!

[bookshop.livejournal.com]

AHHHH PAUL BETTANY. I sort of want to ship him with every co-star he's ever had. And with Johnny Depp, because in my head (thank you milliways) he will always be the Aziraphale to Johnny Depp's Crowley, haha.

[ellnyx.livejournal.com]

..................oh my, yes.

Thank you, and milliways, for that. So very, very much.

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

Oh god. I'll do one of them if you do the other. Or they can do each other.

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

jsaf;jaslf *NOSEBLEED*

[ajat.livejournal.com]

Yes ! Of course ! Those 2'd be marvellous as Crowley and Az ! I've been trying to think of the right Az for ages now Thanks !!

[ellnyx.livejournal.com]

You mean, you haven't already? :D

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

*twists fingers* I mean, should I? It's about as RELEVANT AS jaslkfjlkasjf aljsf NOTHING and and oh my god, sex parties in Sewell's apartment in Prague being canon!!

[ellnyx.livejournal.com]

'Rufus, you dog,' Paul says, not quite craning to look past the shoulder that blocks his way. 'You should have told me about the dress code. I could have saved myself a coatroom fee.'

'Oh? Were you invited?'

'A man as inviting as myself,' Paul shrugs, laconic, 'has a well-documented history of being invited.'

'Paul,' Rufus says, 'you're a whore.'

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

sjdflksajdlfkjasl gsalkfjlkasj flkajflkas fjlkas fjlkassj flkasjsjf lasjflkkasjflkaj LKJALKFJFAKLJFLKA FLKAJFLKAJSFklJAWOIJFPOIWIJFPOWJFPoj

[ellnyx.livejournal.com]

in his VOICE. Imagine it, IN HIS VOICE.

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

please, i think i've come too many times already, sir

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

I'm going to go write nasdack now, vent frustration and drooling on something productive that doesn't make me want to listen to the commentary of every single Bettany DVD I have on hand on LOOP for the rest of the night ajslfkajlksfjaslkf alkfjlasjfl aj WHY NYX WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD AT BEING VIAGRA?

[ellnyx.livejournal.com]

rufus/rufus/balthier/paul, strip poker, followed by twister, and three air hostesses serving the (strangely strong) drinks oh-so nicely (and also being rather not-nice and sly with their phone-cameras, rufus1 will be enraged when he sees the front cover on the Sun tomorrow).

OH, HOORAY FOR OUT OF CHARACTER THINGS

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's a little game they play, when they're bored of being polite with each other, the rest of the world, Tseng.

'Is there anything that can be done to make him piss off? Piss him off?' Balthier asks Rufus idly, with Tseng sitting a full five feet away. Tilting his head, Balthier cocks an eyebrow. 'Make him show any emotion whatsoever?'

'Act out of character,' Rufus says from somewhere behind his laptop screen.

Tseng may have smiled; neither of them can tell. Balthier sighs, rolls over onto his side and stretches out on the couch. Bored, he flips through the endless number of channels that Rufus has on his unused cable television - pay per view after pay per view goes past, until --

'Hm,' Balthier says, eyeing the credits. 'Oi, Shinra.'

'What?' Rufus says irritably, forcing his screen halfway shut with one hand to give Balthier the better end of a glare.

Eyes fixed on the credits of a certain movie, Balthier says, 'Want to play a little game?'





Rufus has them wrangled onto some red carpet event in London in the space of eight days, but it's Balthier who ---




IDK MYSELF, THINKING.

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

'Credibility?' Rufus echoes the reporter when he finally deigns to stop for questions on one street corner during a meeting he's particularly early for. 'You'll note that the money for that came out of my own pocket.' His voice is low, calm in that way of Rufus' that always borders on the dangerous fault-line of his mercurial temper and young age. 'Aren't any of you tired of following me and my personal life around after all these years?' Then a earth-tilting smile that isn't really fully Rufus' own. 'Credibility? Considering the state of the financial industry and, ah-' Rufus flicks his eyes to the reporter's name badge. '- your paper?' A turn of his head. 'I'm late, you'll excuse me--'

The footage flicks off. Tseng puts the remote control down. 'Uncharacteristic of you,' he tells Rufus, but before the blond can open his mouth, goes on to add, 'but not of Bunansa.'

Rufus' jaw clicks shut.

Balthier might just, just, just have rolled his eyes.

[ellnyx.livejournal.com]

lol, they're starting to rub off on each other. even when fully clothed. mmm, personality frott. 8D

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

Meanwhile, Tseng stays pristine? xD

(you're probably going to wake up to these monstrosities, for which i apologise)

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

'Jesus,' Paul swears when Rufus' phone rings, 'Shinra!' Because Rufus moves off, leaving more than one thing hanging just to reach for his cell -- mobile-- whatever.

'Leave it off,' Balthier growls, but Shinra says, 'Give me a fucking moment,' and leans over to check the number on the screen. 'Shit,' he swears, glancing up at Balthier. There's a silent exchange.

'Is there something someone's not telling me?' Paul asks, fingers fisted in the sheets so that he does neither anything embarrassing nor punches anyone. He furrows his brow in exasperated impatience. 'Who the hell'd call you at this hour?'

'He's got a ring on his finger,' Rufus -- the other Rufus, good old Rufus, bored sounding Rufus Sewell, points out. 'Who d'you think?'

Balthier plucks the phone out of Rufus' hand. 'Oh, for crying out loud,' he sighs, and flips it open. 'It's two in the fucking morning, Tseng, and listen to my emphasis now.'

There's a small scuffle as Rufus shoves Balthier down in a sprawl in order to rescue the call. Balthier snarls, but Rufus grabs him by the crop of his hair and yanks. 'Tseng,' he answers, halfway to breathless. 'Yes. No. No..' When Balthier tries to bite him, Rufus drags his head down towards Paul's legs.

'That's better,' Paul breathes, eyes sliding shut.

Balthier, unable to speak, gives Rufus the finger. Rufus' fingers dig in harder. 'Balthier's otherwise occupied at the moment now,' he tells Tseng.

'Are you having fun?'

Balthier comes up for air, and to ask, 'Does he sound bored? I bet he sounds bored.'

'He's laughing,' Rufus reports.

'Tell him it's bad form to encourage us.' Balthier gets back to it.

'We'll be back by tomorrow evening,' Rufus says, ignoring the advice. 'I'll be back. I know I have that - yes. Tell her no.'

'Do you,' Paul asks Sewell, 'have any idea what's going on?'

'You're getting sucked off,' Sewell observes, blandly. 'Which is more than I can say for myself. But I can't complain - man has to make his own luck, yes?'

'Or something that rhymes with "luck", anyway,' Paul mutters, watching Sewell go up behind Shinra, Sewell's hands dropping to a hip and then lower.

'Fuck,' Rufus swears. 'Tseng - Tseng, I'll -- talk to you in an hour.'

'Better make it two,' Paul drawls. 'Wouldn't want him calling up to chaperone again.'

'I'm going to kill all of you,' Rufus says in a moment of frustration. Balthier laughs, which makes Paul's head tip back. Sewell does something with his hands that makes Rufus growl, but all that comes out a third time is Tseng and then Rufus says, 'I'll call back,' and tosses the phone off the edge of the bed.

Re: (you're probably going to wake up to these monstrosities, for which i apologise)

[ellnyx.livejournal.com]

duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude oh god. turkey slap with me your monstrosities any hour of the day you like. :D :D :D

Re: (you're probably going to wake up to these monstrosities, for which i apologise)

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

:D :D :D FOUR PEOPLE IS HARD TO WRITE, ESPECIALLY WHEN TWO OF THEM SHARE A NAME.

[ellnyx.livejournal.com]

And just wait until, you know, the latest round of naked twister results in a rather unfortunate sprain of Rufus', er, hip joint.

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

Paul Bettany was talking about Twister as a sort-of sex game in this commentary. So. Yes. Well.

[edit] Oh, and how they had to tape his dick to his thigh.

[ellnyx.livejournal.com]

Leather pants? Or when he was playing naked twister?

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

No, when he was walking around naked. Otherwise the film'd be rated too high.

God, leather pants. Mmm

[knightlineninja.livejournal.com]

LOL. Oh, I love Paul Bettany all the more now! GENIUS.

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDD COULD YOU CAPTURE HIM FOR ME?

[knightlineninja.livejournal.com]

I will certainly try. His wife may prove problematic, but I am sure there are ways around that. Hmm.

Have you ever seen Master and Commander with him and Russell Crowe? My Gods, he is awesome and their relationship is just beautiful.

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

M&C is one of my bibles.

[ajat.livejournal.com]

XD XD Brilliant XD

[karanguni.livejournal.com]

Isn't he? :D :D

[eibii.livejournal.com]

I kind of want to get into film just to get him into one of my projects. Nothing would get done, and we'd go over budget, but it'd be so damn funny.